dominattyrix redux

dominattyrix tredux

2004-12-11T01:35:00.000+08:00

I'm making the move to this site.

It's still under construction, the links aren't all up yet but I've made a few entries since I couldn't log into blogger again for the past few days.

My lay out sucks but atleast now the text is a lot easier on the eyes, no more all-black background, border nalang, hehe.

migrating

2004-12-08T01:11:00.000+08:00

I decided to sign up for Typepad's service and will be migrating soon.

I'm still setting up the templates, I never had the time to finish doing the lay-out. Not that I am great at it. :-(

Watch out for the new URL soon.

goodbye, grams :-(

2004-12-07T22:21:00.000+08:00

Grams passed away last week.

That explains my long absence from blogging. I haven't turned on this computer for 10 days. Been real busy with the lamay, funeral arrangements, preparing the eulogy--a first for me! It's not exactly uso in my family. As a lapsed Catholic I have no idea if writing a eulogy for the dearly departed is uso with other Catholic families. The tip came from Gab, who's an "expert" when it comes to OC-stuff, and since her lolas have gone before mine, she and her family had gone through a lot of the preparations and I truly appreciate the tips that she shared with me.

More updates later. I'm still recovering from the sleepless nights--bagyo and all.

________________________________

After "googling" the search words "Catholic eulogy" I came upon a site dated in 2000 that says it's allowed.

However, a more recent aritcle that came out in 2003 reports that eulogies are banned during mass in Newark, New Jersey. Their point is that "liturgy is an act of worship" and while the life of the deceased ought to be remembered, the gospel and the homily ought to be the focus of the mass. Here's an interesting quote from the same site:

"For some non-Catholic churches," he said, "the funeral is primarily a time for remembrance and celebration of a person's life. For Catholics, however, the intercession for the dead is the central focus of the funeral liturgy." As their experience with the revised funeral rites grew, he said, many bishops have found a need to address "problems with the length and content of eulogies and the tendency for some people to take advantage of the occasion ... to address extraneous family matters or even political topics."

I haven't found anything about local bans from the CBCP or maybe I just haven't looked hard enough. But now that I think about it, maybe that's the reason why the officiating priest (who was obviously in a hurry) informed us that the eulogy should be read after the final blessing. Hmmm...

I'm agnostic in theory but I also happen to be very big on rituals. I have come up with a hodgepodge of meaningful "rites" for various occassions culled from pagan influences. i suggested the eulogy because I thought that many of my relatives had already forgotten about grams' many fine qualities. In her old age and subsequent illness, they had forgotten to visit her, check on how she's doing. When she died, ironically (though not surprisingly) that's when they all decided to turn up. The eulogy was a a good reminder.

grams' death also brought some clan members back into the fold. Former enemies declared their truce. Atleast temporarily. I guess the priest didn't want to hear about lola's famous cooking, or her famous one-liners. That's okay. We all did. We remember. We'll never forget.

___________________________

Still on eulogies. This site says custom-made eulogies can be ordered onlone for US$250, while ready-made speeches are available at $25 a pop. But to ask a stranger to write the eulogy for your loved one is so inappropriate, don't you think? :-(

hot guy alert?

2004-11-27T02:06:00.000+08:00

Meet Welsh hottie Ioan Gruffudd (pronounced YO-an GRIFF-ith), another strong contender to the much coveted James Bond role.

He played bearded Lancelot in King Arthur (with Keira Knightley and Clive Owen). He's yummy too, though Jude Law is yummiest, of course!

bitten

2004-11-27T02:00:00.000+08:00

I really think Anne Rice is over-rated, no offense to her fans out there. So after reading Interview (of the Lestat series), down to Memnoch, I was bored to tears so I naturally gave up on the super-natural. The undead men in Rice's novels were shallow, hey, PTerry also writes about vampires, werewolves, zombies and the rest of the undead but PTerry is FUNNY hence, enjoyable.

I was never into Buffy, never mind that there are lesbian characters like Tara and Willow. Sarah Geller just doesn't appeal to me. Somehow I never found her anorexic figure to be a convincing heroine (or "shero"?), but maybe that's just me. To Buffy's creators' credit, they did contribute to redefining what it means to kick butt, blonde chick style.

I've also been hearing a lot about Laurell K. Hamilton's Anita Blake series but never gotten around to getting any of her books, instead I picked up Kelley Armstrong's Bitten, the first of her Women of the Otherworld series. I had no expectations, I just wanted a light read after all the Foucault books I've been staying up late for. But I was pleasantly surprised to find it to be highly enjoyable. The main character, Elena Michaels is the one and only female werewolf. According to Armstrong's lore, werewolfism is passed via the Y-chromosome, i.e., from fathers to sons and the only way to have female werewolves is to BITE 'EM (hence the title). Elena is one among the very few who survived being bitten plus the agonizing process of "transforming" and adapting to her state of having a dual-citizenship (er should I say, speciesenship?).

Told from Elena's point of view, the book says a lot about what it means to be human (sometimes vicious, kiling for the sheer fun of it, twisted) and what it meas to be animalistic (for wolves who live in hierarchical packs, they protect each other, but are also very territorial).

Will have to go back to Powerbooks soon to get the sequel which is called Stolen. If caught red handed, all the shop-lifter has to do is say, "look at the book's title! Who could blame me?" ;-)

I'm Baaaaack!

2004-11-26T21:26:00.000+08:00

For a while there I thought I was a victim of "blog-jacking" (na-high-jack na blog?) AGAIN, after that incident with mblog (viz, "blognapping") I was resigned to the tragic fate of my dominattyrix blogs.

Glad to note that I could now log onto the blogger dashboard and see MY blog for a change! For the past week I had a bit of an identity-crisis where logging on to blogger meant getting to the edit menu of blogs of different people, WEIRD! I also couldn't get to the comments page, so had to use anonymous. Now things are working okay again so, thanks Blogger! :-D

I signed up for a typepad account (30-day trial period) using a different alias and I'm loving it. :-) Typepad is such a friendly software, even better than MT, I created "Type Lists" where I listed all the books, music and links I am currently into and it automatically seeks the thumbnails of book covers, album covers, and URLs. Nifty! I'm such a kuripot though, me wonders if $4.95 a month is worth it. Blogger is still free after all, despite the occasional glitches.

Stolen Chain

2004-11-25T23:59:00.000+08:00

Let's lighten it up:

(A) First, recommend to me:
1. a movie
2. a book
3. a musical artist, song, or album

(B) I want everyone who reads this to ask me three questions, no more, no less. Ask me anything you want.

(C) Then I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends to ask you anything; say that you stole it from me.

I stole this from Lady C (who stole it from Pinay Hekmi)!

Happy Philosophy Day, everyone!

2004-11-18T23:59:00.000+08:00

Yep, you read that right.

For all it’s worth, today is “Philosophy Day” according to UNESCO. We had a small celebration at the uni, with the twin book launch and philo debates serving as high lights, glad that catering and festivity frills were sponsored by (the RP reps of? Cesar Montano, is that you? He's a UNESCO rep of RP isn't he?) UNESCO, Philosophy Division. I had been studying philosophy for 15 years now and when I first heard about it a month go the concept of celebrating it was totally new to me. Geez. All this time, UNESCO has had a philo division? They even sponsored lectures by JP Sartre many decades ago, this I learned from a printout of an old events brochure. Wow! We never had such celebrations in the past and if my boss is correct, this is also the first time that Philo Day is marked as an “event” in this country, and only the third time all around the globe.

I am making a huge deal of it because let’s face it, I honestly don’t know a lot of people outside of the campus walls who would admit to loving the discipline, much less claiming to “know” what it is that preoccupies “philosophers” – the Filipino understanding of “pilosopo” or “pilosopa” (to be absolutely PC) just doesn’t cut it. Neither does the more intellectual sounding “pantas mahal.” Philosophers get a lot of flak for being a contumacious bunch of nitpicky parsers, obscurantists all—making not-so fine ontological distinctions between “Being” and “being” (note the big B and the small b), i.e., the Dasein and the Das Man. So much for Heideggerian metaphysics. Hedeggerrrr talaga!

I’d like to think however that today’s line up of activities made quite an impact on the students. Our philo undergrad majors held a Philo contest [three rounds: quiz format, (objective type and content based), essay writing, and for the finals round, an on the spot orals on philosophical issues] they initially dubbed the Philosopher-King’s Cup (after Plato’s ideal ruler, of course). They had to drop the “King” because the rabid feminist faculty-PC police (ahem) objected to the royal title. ‘Twas a great thing too because the champion was not a King but a “Queen” – a Philosophress won 3K in cash, and her name (as the very first champ) will be engraved in a shiny new silver cup that closely resembles the Wimbledon trophy.

To raise funds the students had the caricature of Nietzsche printed on nifty white shirts and they sold like hotcakes. I was disappointed that they picked Nietzsche. I mean yeah, he had a remarkable moustache, and a distinct profile but why him? I was telling Gab that Socrates could’ve made a more interesting figure, stubby nose, high forehead, long white beard, the baldy geezer had more character. Or what about Ayn Rand (ok, technically “not” a philosopher but very interesting face), and Dame Simone de Beauvoir? Or Jean Paul Sartre the cross-eyed existentialist Frenchie? Hmmm… now profiteering from these very people whose works constantly give us headaches is beginning to sound promising. After all we in the philosophy department do not expect to get rich via our usual “trade” being so high up in the ivory tower so might as well milk them for all they’re worth eh? Ha!

Then there was also an exhibit, The Dead White Male Philosophers Gallery where portraits of philosophers were showcased. The title of the exhibit was a joke, I submitted it to make a point, but hey I never expected them to keep the tilte. They actually thought it was cool, argh! However now I am more ambivalent. I hate it when I’m the only one who’s laughing! :-(

What rhymes with TURD?

2004-11-18T18:36:00.000+08:00

I have deliberately stayed away from the blogosphere this past week because of school-related toil and trouble. The thankless chore of facing a never-ending cycle of papers to grade and write reminds me of poor condemned Sisyphus. At the home front, it is even more chaotic, I’d rather not launch into a sob-story lest I begin to sound like Flor de Luna, or Ana Liza or… (insert your Pinoy soap opera “vida” of choice here).

I stumbled upon this quote from an essay by Meaghan Morris in a book Gab recently purchased for me, it's a tome called Feminism and Foucault: Reflections on Resistance.

“Lacking faith in their ability to change anything, resigned to the status quo, they have to see beauty in turds because, so far as they can see, turds are all they’ll ever have.”

I couldn't agree more. Mine's a crappy life. I feel like I’m swimming in a bowl full of turds. Where is the beauty in that? And is that all I’ll ever have? Swimming with the turds may not be fine and dandy but that’s my reality, and I truly can’t let that get me down.

All I need right now is a wee bit of humor, so excuse me while I drown myself silly in some Pterry Brit humor. Pterry coined a rhyme word called “knurd” but I dunno what that means? Nothing “absurd” I hope.

Hey, rhyming rocks! Would love to come up with a rap thing one of these days, or slam poetry maybe? Ambisyosa! :-)

pissing styles

2004-11-17T23:59:00.000+08:00

In my Genders class some days ago, a discussion on gender roles and gender traits was diverted to a discussion on "pissing styles". A smart-ass male student wanted to "prove" to everyone that there is one thing that men can do that women can't because of simple biological make-up, i.e., piss in a communal bowl at the same time. The boys in my class were gleaming with pride for this so-called feat.

Had to burst their bubble when I started telling them that some women are already doing that as they had been raised by their mothers to pee standing up. I didn't want to tell them that I occasionally practice certain techniques found on this site, especially how to avoid dribbles and sprays. Not an easy thing to do, and since I am often rushing anyway, I always forget to "practice."

I truly believe that this technique if or when perfected by women could be very useful, especially when traveling. Public toilets could be filthy and very nasty in Manila, and I can't imagine how those with weaker knees actually manage to "squat" as they piss, sans tissue or water to wipe the toilet seat.

This isn't really about a pissing contest. Men pee standing up, fine. But women can do the same thing with a bit of practice. It's a bit trickier but the key is to learn how to "aim" well and not end up wetting your pants, or have the liquid dribble along your thighs.

From the practical side of things, the construction of female urinals (perhaps this is what Bayani Fernando really had in mind with the Hot Pink Urinals all over the metro?) seem more cost efficient compared to the toilet which consumes a lot of water, plus queuing to unload your bladder in the ladies room always takes ages!

The new James Bond?

2004-11-12T01:30:00.000+08:00

Hmmm...

I read the report about the outgoing Bond Man, Pierce Brosnan's recommendation for the next 007. He wants fellow Irish dude Collin Farrell to fill in but Mr. Angas Collin doesn't seem to be too keen on the role.

Gab's sugestion is RUPERT EVERETT.

Yeah he's gay but so what? He'd be perfect, don't you think? ;-)

Science Geekery?

2004-11-11T01:27:00.000+08:00

I picked up Stephen Hawking's A Brief History of Time (ABHOT) when I was an undergrad philo major. I leafed through it and tried to read the first couple of pages. Well, I overestimated my IQ level as none of it made sense. It just didn't sink in so I had to put it down. For science geek reads, I preferred pop-sci guru Carl Sagan. He writes for a wider audience, using words that the non-scientist (that's moi) comprehends.

In 1994 as a grad student, I had to pick up that book AGAIN as required reading for my Cosmology class. My professor was a physicist so naturally that was right up his alley. Of course the prof and I lived on different blocks, definitely waaaay beyond my eskinita. And so as a non-expert I ended up writing a paper where I made a (somewhat lame?) connection between Hawking's attempts at a "grand unified theory" and Immanuel Kant's noumenon. Simply put, I tried to argue that although there may just be a (or the?) single unified theory that could account for everything, whatever that may be is simply beyond human understanding (yep, the ultimate cop-out line).

But hey, that Cosmo class got me deep into sci-geek stuff and I learned to appreciate the likes of other scientists (not necessarily physicists) viz., Richard Dawkins and Daniel Dennett. But that Hawking dude is just way too geeky for me. Every two years I make atleast one attempt to get my juices flowing, enough to pick up his often quoted ABHOT but it really doesn't turn me on.

Now I see that Hawking's pal Roger Penrose had just published his magnum opus, a 1000 paged tome called The Road to Reality: A Complete Guide to the Laws of the Universe. Sounds real deep huh? Here's an excerpt from synopsis:

The Road to Reality, some 1000 pages long, aims to provide a comprehensive account of our present understanding of the physical universe, and the essentials of its underlying mathematical theory. No particular mathematical knowledge on the part of the reader is assumed - the early chapters providing the essential mathematical background for the physical theories described in the remainder of the book. The aim is to convey something of an overall understanding - a feeling for the deep beauty and philosophical connotations of the subject, as well as of its intricate logical interconnections. Clearly, a work of this nature is challenging, but there is enough descriptive material to carry the less mathematically inclined reader through, as well as some 450-500, mostly hand-drawn, figures.

Argh!!!

Doesn't sound like a fun read eh?

You can bet that this title won't make it to my Christmas Wish List (ahem-ahem). But hey, if I see a copy in Booksale and it's under 200 bucks, I just might buy it. And have it gather dust in my old bodega. It will have a special place--right beside Hawking's A Brief History of Time. Hehehe.

HBD Gabrielle!

2004-11-10T01:01:00.000+08:00

Today's her BIRTHDAY!!!

Happy birthday lover dearest. Now we're both 33 hahaha!!! Would've loved to do something crazy with you but alas, today of all days we both get our period, sabay with matching cramps! No fun, eh? :-(

Thank goodness for Advil eh?

The Incredibles

2004-11-07T03:06:00.000+08:00

Gab and I were hoping to catch either Skycaptain (I'm a HUGE Jude Law& Angelina Jolie fan) or Shark Slayer in the movies but were disappointed that they're not in the cinemas anymore. :-( No worries. As Balbonics reminds us, Juicy Jude has 6 movies lined up for screening this year. Definitely 2004 is a "Lawful" year. Ha!

We ended up watching Pixar's new animated film called The Incredibles. All the posters I've seen says it doesn't open until the 10th November, so we were surprised to see that we had the same premiere date as the US. There were a lot of kids in the theatre and it was obvious that they enjoyed the movie as much as we did. It was a bit longer than the usual animated kiddie flick for 115 minutes but it was well worth it. I like it that this movie shows the other side to being a male super-hero (vain, vain, vain), as it also shows that your female/heroine mom could also save the day and is just as courageous as the male. Elastigirl is featured in one hilarious scene where she really kicked butt while wedged between three electronic doors.

Bring your kids, or godkids, why dontcha? Don't forget it's almost THAT time of the year again, our inaananaks will come knocking very soon. :-(

Made your Christmas shopping list yet? Arrgghh!!! Bah Hambug!

naglulukasa pa rin

2004-11-06T23:59:00.000+08:00

i'm still distaught over the kerry loss.

i cried when i heard him thank his supporters. read his concession speech in full from his official website. now who is the true "statesman"? hats off to john kerry for a very graceful exit.

now read this fictional concession speech by Adam Feber at his blogsite. if I were kerry this would do very well. it oozes with bigotry but to be very honest, a lot of people on kerry's side is thinking the same thing. the comments page is also worth reading, so check it out. thanks to my friend, Ghost Writer (still blogless?) for the link.

another four years means an uphill battle for the pro-choice movement to keep Roe v. Wade. for the American LGBT activists, this is the time to strategize and refuse to be the scapegoat for the kerry loss. many LGBT and left-leaning sites (including blogs) are saying that americans disappointed by the Bush win are now looking at joining Balbonics in Canada, but really now?

and what? surrender? tch! now that really breaks my heart!

now i wonder who's the lesser evil? if i had to vote between GWB and erap... ano kaya? ack!!!

the aftermath

2004-11-04T04:28:00.000+08:00

i stayed up all night watching the latest developments in the US elections. i am not a fan of the US, i never even dreamed of migrating to that land even if most of my fellow Filipinos are desperate to get that elusive US-visa (especially not after the elections!). but i strongly felt that even as a Third-Worlder from these islands i too had a stake in this election. after all, those americans were not only electing for the sake of their country’s future as they too were casting their votes for the rest of the world. so i made sure that i was up to date with the latest developments (as far back as the primaries when my choice was a toss up between wesley clark or howard dean).

just like the RP elections earlier this year, i did my homework, i.e., what every responsible citizen (in my case, not a citizen but more like a "spectator") ought to do before she casts her vote: i looked up the profiles and the respective positions of these candidates on the issues that matter to me (foreign policy, abortion, LGBT rights, separation of church and state, stem cell research, renewable energy source, no oil for war, among others), i visited their websites, read their daily blogs, i watched all three debates, i was hooked on c-span. i really thought it was a no-brainer. it was obvious TO ME who should be president.

4 years ago i was a staunch supporter of the green party but that was after i realized the threat that GWB posed to the entire planet. it was a HUGE mistake to concede that election. smart man this al gore but he didn't know what hit him. ohio 2004 looks like florida 2000 redux. I STILL DON'T GET IT!

from the tone of my writing you can very well guess which candidate i favored, or still favor. Right now i am very sad, angry, disappointed, aggravated and still in deep denial. i really expected KERRY to win. Hands down, kerry is the better person for the job. i looked forward to having a world leader who need not be "misunderestimated" because he is truly fit for the job. This means I have to brace myself for another four years of seeing Bush's smirk on CNN. This is one of those days when I wish I could just stop caring about such events.

A little indifference ought to wipe all these worries away. That’s just what I need right now.

Drag-Kingdom, (here I) Come!

2004-11-03T23:16:00.000+08:00

Very excited to read about the invitation sent to our lesbian organization from The Big Cheese himself. He is coming to Manila in time for the Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgendered (LGBT for short) Pride March on December 11, 2004. I am eagerly awaiting the workshop he will be conducting on my favorite topic… What might that be?

DRUMROLL PLEASE…

Tips to be a Drag-king, what else, nyahahahah!!! My “packing” fantasies might finally be realized. ;-)

Time to come up with a new "look" -- I wonder if "dominatrix" and "drag-king" would go well together? I'd be the "Leather King" perhaps? Hmmm...

A Pain-free Life?

2004-11-02T23:59:00.000+08:00

I read this news about the girl who has a rare genetic disease called CIPA. Can you imagine living a life without the feeling of physical pain? This little girl doesn’t know what it feels like to feel cold or hot. Her disease was discovered by her parents when she was still a little baby when they noticed how she did not react as other humans do when they get hurt.

I was wondering whether that was a blessing or a curse. On the one hand I am guessing that this girl would grow up to be a very tough chick, without the usual aversion that many people have to blood and gore, simply because she would be free of the associations that go along with such a sight. On the other hand, I am a little bothered about her (in)ability to develop empathy—especially as a pet lover myself—I am now wondering how well she can develop the ability to take care of others. But as Dubya would say, let’s not (mis)under-estimate her. Empathy may still be possible after all. Hmmm…

Now I am wondering about historical what-if’s. Like what if there is this hero or warrior of old who excelled in hand-to-hand combat, not unlike the trailer of that old Lito Lapid movie where his guts were spilling out and yet he was running across the field with an M-16 in one hand, the other hand clutching his guts and preventing it from spilling all over the place, at the same time merrily firing away had the exact same thing that this girl has? What if this so-called hero (maybe Hercules? Or Achilles?) had CIPA, a genetic disorder that they did not know about during those Ancient Times?

If I were this girl’s parent, I’d be paranoid as hell. Just like our furkids who do not have the ability to convey their pain and suffering, we can only guess. This is where OUR empathy would have to come in. The ability to detect and more importantly, object to needless animal suffering is one thing that is beyond many people whether or not they feel pain themselves.

The principles of the Animal Rights Movement are perhaps among the most challenging positions to advocate. Speciesists everywhere simply could not relate to the unnecessary pain or suffering that animals go through. When I watch Animal Protectors or Animal Precinct on The Animal Planet I get very depressed. More so when I hear stories of animal activists who recount horror stories of what they witness: cats being caged, doused with petrol and set on fire, for example. Puppies who are alive and well but are thrown off from high-rise buildings.

This is our blind spot, I think. We may not carry the CIPA gene like this little girl but I reckon the world will be a better place for the animals if we learned a little lesson in empathy.

Dykes to Watch Out For Rules!!!

2004-10-31T23:59:00.000+08:00

I discovered comix genius Alison Bechdel through the modest collection of lesbian books in the resource centre of our fromer org. Gab and I were immediately hooked on her Dykes to Watch Out For series as we marvelled at the witty storylines, the variety of "dykes" as main characters, the political sensibilities, even the suggestion of steaming hot sex scenes (while showing nothing really!).

Since I am relatively "new" to the dyke scene--came out only in '96--I found that I was growing up, and growing "old" with the characters. A lot has happened to the community in DTWOF since. There's still the grim&determined Mo, her grilfriends past and present (that would be the Pomosexual academic, Sydney), Lois the drag-king, Toni and Clarice, Ginger and her dog Digger (may she rest in peace), Sparrow the bisexual woman who hooked up with Stuart and they now have a transgendered son, Jonas/Janis. I love this strip and the books because it is witty, intelligent, political, spot-on with the issues, both national and within the dyke communities in the US. And though the context is very American, I imagine many dykes from all over the planet could relate with the issues--both personal and political that Bechdel raises. Best of all, the strips are laugh out loud funny!!!

I was thrilled to find that Bechdel also has a blog at blogspot! I am eagerly anticipating the release of the graphic novel that she is working on.

proselytizing, recruitment and conversion

2004-10-30T23:59:00.000+08:00

pros·e·ly·tize: v. pros·e·ly·tized, pros·e·ly·tiz·ing, pros·e·ly·tiz·es v. intr.
To induce someone to convert to one's own religious faith.
To induce someone to join one's own political party or to espouse one's doctrine.

Nope, I'm not talking about forming my own religion or cult and brain-washing would-be followers. I'm talking about my ailurophilia (viz. cat obsession) and how I have recruited, and converted former non-catlovers to the fold. Of course there's old school pal Balbonics, who thankfully took in kittens from another animal-crazy relative Tita Nena, and from my good vet Dr. Country. Then of course there's girl-friend Gabrielle who was found by a ginger tabby at a party, she was hooked with Wanjy ever since.

There's also Dark Beloved, plus a former student who I thereby name Mr. Clean. And the other night a former student's older brother adopted a kitty cat thru PAWS via my referral. I feel so joyful!!! I wonder if this is anything like what proselytizers do, or feel whenever they end up bringing a "convert" to their church?

The Great Goddess Bast must be smiling!

Meooooowwws all over the planet!
___________________________

My cats are also on catser! Catster is "friendster" for pussies! Right now it's just Shaaadow but watch out for profiles of my other felines. :-)

amazing race 6

2004-10-28T23:57:00.000+08:00

Yay!!!

My all-time favorite reality show TAR is on its 6th season. Premieres on November 17 (Manila time).
____________

Been away from blogging because these days I'm so spaced out. Work just keeps piling up. I'm drowning in so many papers to grade (midterms this week too) and more to write. It's a vicious cycle. Sigh! So what else is new eh?

Also very worried about grams who's in the hospital again, this time with pneumonia. :-(

hot ride!

2004-10-25T22:43:00.000+08:00

Currently going gaga over Prodigy's new album Always Outnumbered Never Outgunned. It's just as good as the best selling Fat of the Land from 6 (?) years ago -- who would forget their catchy beats as they sing Breathe Baby, Firestarter or Smack My Bitch Up! I know the lyrics to Smack is misogynistic but I can't help it. No apologies, I still enjoy listening to Prodigy even if they're non-PC.

My favorite track is Hot Ride. Hear Juliette Lewis as guest vocalist sing "Up up and away in my beautiful, my beautiful balloon..."

Medusa's Path (instrumental) is a good theme song for evil-minded women like myself mwahahaha!!! Talk about frightening females.

The Way It Is sounds a lot like MJ's 1983 classic Thriller, hehehe.

Will be listening to this album over and over again til I get sick of it. That means the Opera Chill Out CDs would have to wait their turn.

This album is for industrial/electronic-rock fans (and 80's breakdancers? hehehe) as well as music lovers who are adventurous and appreciate a little bit of innovation. Gab loves this album too, it's the perfect companion for driving the crazy streets of Metro Manila.

My rating: 4 and a half (out of 5) stars.

Lola, cats, bats and dungeons

2004-10-24T23:35:00.000+08:00

This weekend turned out to be a very interesting one.

Gabrielle and I watched the 2 German films last Saturday evening, we had a blast. Trains and Roses was very quirky and enjoyable. OC people and train lovers would surely appreciate it. Run Lola Run is a personal fave, I'm glad to see it on the big screen and I'm happy that Gab loved it as well. I didn't know that it was Franka Potente herself who was singing in the soundtrack. Thanks Gab for finding that out for me. :-)

When I checked up on my cats Sunday morning I was horrified to see a dead BAT (read: paniki) in our backyard. Twas a tiny bat, maybe just a baby. I just hope it doesn't have rabies, and my cats are safe. No blood shed or torn flesh, thank goodness!!!

So I went back to sleep after that and had another bizarre dream where I was being my Dominattyrix self, clad in full FemDom regalia, I was holding a whip and punishing a very very bad boy. I had my own dungeon and nobody else could hear the boy's pathetic screams for mercy. Mwahahahahah!!!Was telling Gab all about it and was surprised to find that she wasn't averse to the idea. Being the enterpreneural woman that she is, we starting talking (hypothetically, of course) about how we could set up a Dungeon and develop a sound business plan.

Hey, my fantasies of becoming like Lady Heather (from CSI Seasons 2&3) might just be realized at last...

"My command is your wish!"

Mwahahahaha.

German Film Fest

2004-10-22T20:42:00.000+08:00

Excited!

Gab and I are off to Greenbelt tomorrow for the German Filmfest. I'd finally get to watch my all time favorite German film Run Lola Run (lola rentt by Tom Tykwer with Franka Potente as Lola) in the theatre, yipee yay!

It's a double feature and the film scheduled earlier tomorrow evening is called Trains' n' Roses (zugvoegel-einmal nach inari) and the plot summary sounds very intriguing. The main character Hannes has a grand passion for, um: train timetables. He wants to join the First International Competition of Railway Timetable Experts nyehehe. Of course walang ganyan sa Pinas. No railways (plural), and above all, no timetables in this country. Kung meron man di naman sinusunod. Kaya nga Pinoy time, eh?

Oh but the OC people would love this. Gab already looking forward to watching it, she's the Queen of OC, heheh.

They're charging fifty pesos per screening, not a bad deal, eh?

Opera Chill Out

2004-10-21T22:21:00.000+08:00

I'm currently listening to this compilation disc called Opera Chill Out. Again, this ain't for the purists. But I love what they've done to classic tracks like Bach's Adagio (preludio) and L’Elisir D’Amore "Una Furtiva Lagrima". Madama Butterfly "Un Bel Di Vedremo" Acto II also rocks!

I like!!!

I'm trying to sing along with the soprano, making up words as I go along. My mom is totally weirded out as usual. I bet she's wishing I go back to singing the usual fare. Um, that would be Zombie (The Cranberries) or Sinead O'Connor's Nothing Compares 2U instead.

Would you believe that their version of Carmina Burana "O Fortuna" is highly danceable? Foam party and Opera, anyone? ;-)

bond girls

2004-10-21T21:39:00.000+08:00

Gabrielle watched the Bond concert last night. Who can blame me for feeling envious? :-(

Am a frustrated violinist. Begged my dad to buy me a violin--which he did way back when I was in high school. The first night I got it, I tucked it to bed with me, I was so in looove with the instrument. I can't play it, never took lessons. I dunno if I can still learn how to do that at this age.

The Bond girls are sooo hot. *DROOLS!!!*

They've never claimed to play "classical music" so purists beware. They prefer to say they're "clasical influenced" and play a brand of music that is often referred to as "global music." I've been a huge Bond fan since I saw their first video. I was hoping to watch the concert but not this time I guess. Gab was telling me all about it though. They're not only gorgeous but I believe Gab when she says they're talented and fun to watch!

I *HEART* HAYLIE Ecker, the first violinist. She's cute! Sighs!

wordspy queeries

2004-10-20T23:32:00.001+08:00

I just discovered wordspy and I love it!

Web site owner Paul McFedries says it is "devoted to lexpionage, the sleuthing of new words and phrases".

The top word is "metrosexual" -- am so sick of hearing that, since it reminds me of trains. Metro=Trains and sex don't usually go together (so, shoot me for being unimaginative, but can't blame me for having the MRT in mind, very UNSEXY, that!) so I looked for its opposite. I find that on number 13. I see they're called "retrosexuals."

retrosexual (ret.roh.SEK.shoo.ul) n. A man with an undeveloped aesthetic sense who spends as little time and money as possible on his appearance and lifestyle.

One of my favorite words is the hasbian or the former lesbian who is now in a het relationship since it sounds very much like "has been" ehehe. Do I hear Anne Heche?

And then there's the celesbian or the celebrity lesbian, and the luppie = lesbian+yuppie.

Blogging pals Balbo and anna the banana might want to check out entries related to their names. I'm a bit disappointed there's nothing on my nick. :-(

asexuals of the world unite!

2004-10-19T19:09:00.000+08:00

I have to admit that I know very little about ASEXUALITY. When we talk about sexual orientation in class, homo and heterosexuality are both very prominent. I try to give equal time to bisexual discourses but I've been clueless about ASEXUALS.

I've been bloghopping and one blog link led to another, soon enough I found myself reading this fascinating article from the New Scientist website. However I'm having a difficult time accepting asexuality as a "sexual orientation" since S.O is all bout DESIRE and sexual attraction. One advocacy site defines an asexual as:

A person who does not experience sexual attraction.

Hmmm... I am having a tough time imagining what life might be for asexual people.

The FAQ of the same site draws a comparison between asexuals and celibates:

Celibate people choose to abstain from sexual relationships, while asexual people simply don't feel compelled to form them.

That is what amoeba are right? Asexuals aren't they? So Sigmund Freud couold be wrong. Humans aren't all sexual beings then. But of course he'd say they're just "repressed."

No sex.
No consequence.
No sympathy.

Parthenogenesis, anyone?

I'm certainly keeping an open mind. Will be learning as much as I can about asexuality. That kind of life sure sounds a lot less complicated.

Asexuals have a yahoogroup called Haven for the Human Amoeba - A place for independent , asexual men and women. Sounds really interesting.

lalaking tomboy?

2004-10-18T23:41:00.000+08:00

Today in my Genders class we were talking about gender roles v. gender traits. The subject of "fag hags" came up again. In the vernacular we call them "babeng bakla" -- there's even a popular song on the same theme.

The chorus goes something like this:

Di ako bakla-kla-kla-kla-kla-kla

'Tis sung by a woman who is vehemently denying that she is bakla.

So I asked my students if there is a counterpart. What about the lalaking tomboy? A "dyke boy"? They say the thought never occured to them. Why is it that fags are funny, they're perceived as cool, cool enough for gals to want to be their hags. Now dykes, sadly aren't as funny. Just think about the many films that show men "crossing over" to the other side to get a glimpse of what female life is like.

Tootsie
Mrs. Doubtfire
Sorority Boys
Hot Chicks
White Chicks

They're all campy. Compare that with the few films that deal with biological women who do the same. That is, women who "cross over" to all male domains, and how do these films end?

G.I. Jane and Boys Don't Cry come to mind. These aren't exactly what you'd call "funny movies."

world dominatrices

2004-10-17T23:59:00.000+08:00

Jordy and Moi

Last night I dreamt that my friend Jordy (that's you Jing!!!) summoned me to Deutschland for a very important meeting. It was all a hush-hush affair, When I got to Germany's airport (didn't notice which one) a limo was waiting for me. It drove me straight to Jing's lair. When I got to her chateau (um, a chateau in Germany???) Jing was waiting for me in the Boardroom. She was wearing a stunning corporate outfit with red leather cape.

Our agenda: WORLD DOMINATION!!! Mwahahahaha!!!

I wonder what that dream means?

Jing, I miss you girl. Bakit kaya madalas kitang mapanaginipan? This is not the first time huh?

Kerry v Mary?

2004-10-16T23:59:00.000+08:00

I have been watching the latest developments in the US election campaign even if I'm not an American (thank goodness!). That's because I believe that this is an important election and the outcome could possibly decide on the fate of the world. I'm obviously NOT a fan of the incumbent and I'm less than optimistic about the new JFK but methinks a change is called for.

I missed watching the third debate but I have read about one question thrown at Kerry: Is homosexuality a choice?

As a lesbian advocate and Gender Studies teacher I've been asked this loaded question a hundred times. It's not easy to answer. And I admit that many times I've done a Kerry response which is nuanced. After all, it is true that for many lesbians I know, it's innate while for some--like myself--it had been a political choice.

Anyway, this is what Kerry had to say:

"We're all God's children, Bob," said Kerry, "and I think if you were to talk to Dick Cheney's daughter, who is a lesbian, she would tell you that she's being who she was. She's being who she was born as. I think if you talk to anybody, it's not a choice."

According to Planet Out, this response angered Cheney's wife Lynne and called it a "cheap and tawdry act" on Kerry's part. Dick was also crying foul while the lesbian daughter Mary although she's been out a long time, was mum as usual.

If I were Mary I'd be angry at my parents for sounding like they're ashamed of me. Kerry is not the bad guy here. The Cheney seniors should be ashamed of themselves. What's wrong with the L-word anyway? What's wrong with Kerry's response? This is one of the few solid answers he had given. And though I disagree that "it's not a choice" for everybody, I think it was well said and Kerry put a human face to the issue of "homosexuality" especially for people who claim not to know any (out) lesbian or gay persons. I think what the Cheneys object to is the fact that it was Kerry who mentioned Mary. If Bush did the same would they have been as incensed?

Hmmm...

testing photo uploads

2004-10-15T21:57:00.000+08:00

Meet Shadow the Terrible Cat.

Vampyre Shadow Cat

Uploading photos via blogger is more difficult than I expected. I got spoiled by mblog. :-( Will figure out how to resize and align these pics thru the Hello Blogger Bot before I start posting more.

Goodbye Mango!

2004-10-15T21:41:00.000+08:00

Mango Cat (April 25, 2003-October 14, 2004)

happy death?

2004-10-14T22:03:00.000+08:00

Euthanasia is derived from the Greek words eu meaning ‘good’ and of course thanatos, which is ‘death’. This isn’t the first time that I’ve had to choose the “good death” for a beloved pet, it’s my second. Believe me, it isn’t any ‘lovelier’ nor ‘easier’ the second time around.

After almost ten days of continuous treatment and one week of confinement in the vet clinic, today I finally decided on putting my poor sick cat Mango to sleep. My vet and I had been talking endlessly about the pros and cons of continuing treatment and/or putting a final end to his pain. That was my moral dilemma for the past week and it really stressed me out. I couldn’t eat or sleep very well, I was sick with worry and was always on the telephone with my vet for updates, and visiting the clinic daily. I also skipped some of my classes. L

I’ve known my vet, Dr. Country for about ten years now and he’s always had a soft spot for cats. He has my full trust when it comes to animal health care. He delayed the recommendation for as long as possible and I know he did everything he could to try to save Mango’s life. But alas! It was inevitable. When I agreed to the procedure, I made a request to bring Mango home and have him do it here so that the poor cat would be more comfortable dying surrounded by me and his feline family [he is survived by his parents (Pumpkin and Salmon), two brothers (Ponkan and Carrot), an odd assortment of cousins—twice or thrice removed (Citron, Shadow, and the recent arrival Fugly Cat) and the family dog, Mr. Frodo].

But I wasn’t really surprised to learn that despite his years of clinical experience, the good doc admitted that he could never do it himself. Turns out that each time such a request is made, he always had to ask the younger vets to do it. Of course we both know that it’s not really a happy death. After witnessing first hand a cardiovascular lethal injection on Shawarma, from 11 years ago, it didn’t look pain free. Call it rationalization but I believe in what is referred to as “quality of life” – no matter how much I wanted to keep on caring for Mango, I sensed that despite his healthy appetite and calm demeanor, he was also exhausted by his paralysis and his subsequent confinement and immobility. The catheter is not the friendliest gadget invented, more so if you find that your penis had blackened due to the strain of bloody urinating. Waste evacuation by enema should also suck, and that’s what he’s been subjected to for the past week.

So I paid Mango my last visit earlier this morning. He was upbeat, friendly and frisky as usual. He loves it when I scratch his chin, his head, brush his hair and give him a full body massage. I did just that while telling him how much I care and I regret seeing him this way, but really couldn’t keep myself from bawling my eyes out. It was a good thing too that it was all quiet in the clinic and there were no other patients to witness the scene I was making. I cried even harder when Mango lifted his head up and grabbed my arm with his forepaws to give me a big hug and then buried his face deep into mine. I was hoping to give him some comfort before his final moments but instead he ended up comforting me. He was a picture of blissful calm as he rested his head deep into the crook of my arm and took a cat nap. As if to say, “hey, no worries. Cry if you will but I’ll just sleep if you don’t mind.” At that point I was so tempted to sneak out of the clinic and take him home. But since he still had the IV sticking into his paw, it was almost impossible to make my escape.

I decided to just sing him my impromptu Goodbye My Mango Cat Song (sang to the tune of Phoebe’s Smelly Cat) while he napped and tried to make the most out of the time we had left. After an hour or so, it was time to leave. I knew I’d be late for class again and besides, the whole team of vets were hurrying off to attend a convention. So I had two choices: to stay and watch them do it quick and cry all over again (hence I’ll risk upsetting the cat). Or say goodbye one last time and let the young doc do it quickly and just do my crying outside. I chose the latter. The good Dr. Country promised to deliver Mango’s remains back to the house for burial while I trooped to school for my Thursday classes.

Aboard the jeepney on my way to the bus station I could feel my heart breaking in tiny pieces. I was teary eyed. I found out that it’s not easy to say “para mama” when you’re trying to hold back your tears. When I finally boarded the bus bound for school, I was crying again. Then I realized that I used up my supply of tissue. That made me cry even harder, not knowing how or where I could get rid of my uhog and snot and still remain dignified. Good thing I wore my long black skirt today. The extra fabric came in handy he he he. Lame attempt at humor, I know! I managed to get all of it out when I got to the rest room in school.

Three hours of class time was a blur, I was on auto-pilot. My mouth was rattling off theory and I’m hoping that I was able to convince them that I was really into the lecture. But I was feeling numb and hollow inside. It was like a bad dream. I remember talking about the categories of sex and gender in my 240 class, and Descartes’ skepticism in my 420 class.

I know that he’s now resting in peace in our backyard. He is lying beside Maki who died 14 months ago. They’re both dead, but thank goodness, they’re now free from mortal pain.

Was it a happy death? I am not certain. I’d rather remember the many good times we shared together, no matter how brief. Mango lived for only 17 months but I’d like to think that it was a good life that we shared together.

Sleep well my sweet Prince Harry Mango! I’ll be seeing you, Maki, and all the other backyard dormers in the next life.

old entries

2004-10-14T02:53:00.000+08:00

I found some of my old mblog entries from Google's cache.

Thank you, Google! :-)

Will take a while before I could import all of them since there were hundreds from March 2004. I'll be back tomorrow to do that and add links.

Thank you, Blogspot. Thanks too to my great pal, Balbonics! :-D

mblog sucks!!!!

2004-10-13T23:44:00.000+08:00

All my old entries are GONE!

They're asking for $35 to restore it and only then would I be able to import them. Thank goodness for Google's cache I managed to save a few.

I should have backed up. Why oh why didn't read the entry from this site before yesterday?

Huhuhu!!! :-(

cat fight wounds

2004-10-07T22:15:00.000+08:00

My poor Mango has been sick for three days now. :-(
All my cats are neutered but this doesn't keep the alley cats from invading our turf. My cats are all pacifists except for Shadow the Terrible. Mango, the most quiet is perhaps the least threat despite his size.

I noticed the bite and open wound along the base of his tail some ten days ago. I treated it with Betadyne but as soon as I'd wash and drain the blood, the silly cat would lick all of it off. I didn't know how to make Elizabethan collars then, now I figured that could have saved me the trip to the vet.

To cut the long story short, Mango's wound got infected and now he couldn't get up and walk. He can pee but can't poop just yet so I'm trying to help him do that by massaging his rump and its environs. Later will try the old trick of rubbing the anus with hot water soaked cotton balls.
Since my cats don't seem to be very territorial I'm wondering what to do to keep away all the alien cats from getting into our yard? Just the other day a tortoise shell kitty made herself welcome by strutting into our front yard and started playing with our dog Mr. Frodo. She's overstayed since then. We call her FUGLY by the way. Bad move, since that makes her think that she's welcome now that she's been named.

Grand total: 1 dog, 8 cats. Didn't I say enough already? Sigh! Why aren't there any animal shelters in the South? :-(

Argh!

truckers

2004-10-07T14:59:00.000+08:00

It's tough enough to come out as a lezzie if you're a famous celeb like Cynthia Nixon. But when you finally do and the tabloids write nasty stuff about your girlfriend's looks, what's a girl to do, eh?

Here's a quote from the link above:

Cynthia, who split with long-term boyfriend Danny Mozes last year, says her new relationship is "precious".

But reaction to Christine has been vicious. One New York showbiz writer said cruelly: "She's built like a truck driver...she couldn't fit one of Cythia's dresses on her wrist."

Argh!!!

If only I were built like a truck driver, those friggin tabloid suckers would all be ROAD KILL!!!
Mwahahahahah!!!!

mirandyke hobbes?

2004-10-05T14:26:00.000+08:00

Ooooh… could there be any truth to this rumour?

Sex and the City's Emmy-award winning actress Cynthia Nixon is one hot momma. She's my favorite New Yorker, Ms. Miranda (now Mirandyke?) Hobbes.

I wish!!! ;-)

----------------------
The entry above was posted 25.09.2004

UPDATED 04.10.2004

Yep. It's confirmed! Twasn't a rumour after all. Welcome to the fold, Cynthia!

blogging and living

2004-10-01T22:32:00.000+08:00

What is it about blogging that is so addictive?

I knew I had it bad when I started to make TOPIC LISTS and BLOG OUTLINES. Everytime Gab and I would see or hear something interesting, or laugh about something real funny, I'd wonder aloud whether it's worth blogging or what sort of spin it deserves. I noticed that I became more observant of other people's comings and goings not because I was developing a sudden interest in their lives... more like it was because I needed to blog about 'em. Have I turned into what Balbs calls a "bloggerazzi"?

The last straw was reading this article by Maude Newton.

crazy about the twins

2004-09-18T01:52:00.000+08:00

Cocteau Twins

I don't know many people who dig Cocteau Twins like I do. It's not easy to describe their music but they've been called many names: "ethereal pop artists" by some pundits, "Chinese sounding" by my mom (hehehe), or very "dated" (eighties na eighties daw)... but methinks their music is very light and heady (Gab would say "mahangin ang tunog" hehehe), but also lush, rich, heavenly, dreamy and in all honesty, I can listen to their CDs all day every day. What the heck, I even listen to my Cocteau Twins tapes, they who have been upod to death with my endless rewinding and forwarding. Not too long ago, I'd have the earplugs of my SONY Walkthing (more PC rather than the trademark which is WALKMAN, heheeh) permanently attached to my ears with Elizabeth Fraser singing--nay, wailing like a morphed cherub-cum-banshee--very obscure lyrics. I have all their albums in CD's and tapes (may nakikinig pa ba ng tapes in this day and age?), plus my favorite EP called Love's Easy Tears.

Speaking of lyrics, their music is PERFECT for someone like me who almost always mangles the lyrics because I hear what I want to hear and sing my own version of the songs. Since CT doesn't publish the lyrics of their songs in the sleeve of their albums and there are no "official" versions anywhere on the web, it's really anybody's guess what it is that they're REALLY singing about. It's also interesting to note that the fans have made a game out of comparing which among the many versions that they themselves have transcribed sounds most accurate. I ought to submit mine 'no? I have my own version as well. ;-)

Notice too that the Twins have come up with very interesting song titles. Here's a sample of my favorites:

Aikea-GuineaOomingmakThe Itchy Glowbo BlowCico BuffSuckling the MenderSpooning Good Singing GumA Kissed Out Red FloatboatElla Megalast Burls ForeverFrou-frou foxes in midsummer firesCherry-coloured funkPitch the babyIceblink luckSigh's Smell of FarewellFifty-fifty clown

Titles pa lang yan ha?

Do the lyrics make any sense or are they just a bunch of words--a hodgepodge of English, Scottish, and heck, maybe even Chinese--thrown words into a heap by Lizzie? There was this anecdote about the band being mobbed by Japanese fans when they toured Japan. They loved CT so much and had to express their appreciation that way because the Japanese thought that the Twins were actually singing in Japanese! Nyahahahar!

This BBC 2-CD collection is what I treasure the most. Twas a present from Gab and it features most of their hits. My current fave is called Half-gifts from the Milk and Kisses album (a birthday gift naman from my college pal, Curly Tops), the last release of CT. Very inspiring lyrics (if my hearing is anywhere near what the song writers intend)...
Intimacy is when we're in the same place at the same timeDealing honestly with how we feel, and who we really are

That's what grown-ups doThat is mature thinking
I just have to know how to be in the processOf creating things in a better wayAnd it hurts but it's a lie that I can't handle itI still have a world of me-ness to fulfillI still have a life, and it's a rich one even with mourningEven with grief and sadness
I still care about this planetI am still connected to nature and to my dreams for myself
I have my friends, my family.I have myselfI still have me

By the way, CT disbanded in 2000 and though Amazon lists many of their albums, they're mostly out of stock. :-( That's not surprising considering that CT and their old label, 4AD had a bad parting of the ways in the nineties. However CT's former vocalist, Liz Fraser is still active in the biz. You may have heard the one of her songs from the LOTR: Two Towers OST called Isengard Unleashed - featuring Elizabeth Fraser & Ben Del Maestro.

Oh and the best thing about CT is that they also LOVE cats! Their album TRESURE contains 10 tracks with song titles (allegedly) named after all of Liz fraser's cats...
These are their names:

IvoLoreleiBeatrixPersephonePandora AmeliaAloysiusCicelyOtterleyDonimo

I just can't imagine calling a cat named Persephone. 4 syllables is a mouthful, and when you yell at her for being a bad cat, paano na? Hmmm....

pornucopia

2004-08-18T02:17:00.000+08:00

For our last few meetings in my Genders class we have been discussing the issue of pornography and the many ways that theorists and activists look at this controversial topic. Needless to stay the students were VERY excited but they were a bit disappointed that I didn't bring any "props." After that FHM mag brouhaha some years ago (a student was slapped with a major offense and was suspended for one term after getting caught reading the local FHM mag in campus, "porn" daw kasi e) I am now very very cautious. However I cited SAGAD and SISID, two local tabloids with very explicit photos (most probably just downloaded/ripped off from the net by the looks of the caucasian "models") available in the nearest news stands for only ten pesos a pop (pun intended) hahaha!

Libertines see porn as "harmless fantasy" or an "outlet" for males or "good masturbatory material" (David Steinberg), what with shifting gender roles, and more females are gaining access to power, they now feel "powerless" (Alan Soble) and somehow need to compensate by overcoming "performance anxieties". It figures! Methinks men should be SPANKED instead, so they'll learn to appreciate what it really means to be "powerless" hehehe. Just kidding. But do check out this site on femdom and see what I mean. Very dominattyrix, heheh!

Of course you also have to hear the views of radical feminists and legal eagles like Andrea Dworkin and Catherine MacKinnon both sharing the belief that porn "sexualizes" male aggression and promotes rape (further fuelling the "rape fantasy" that men project on women) and sometimes culminating in violent "snuff" films. Remember the movie 8MM? But then they can't speak for all feminists. After all, even if only very few women will ever admit it, there are still "purveyors of porn" amongst us. Even among American feminists this is a contentious issue that sparked a "sex-war" in the eighties. That was the time when "vanilla sex" was deemed as "good" and SM/BD, plus other kinky acts were deemed as "bad."

Interestingly enough, John Stoltenberg talks about eroticized power structures as he traces the link between gay porn, homophobia and woman-hating as the scenes "promote maleness, degrading the feminine and makes subordination sexy." Close up shots of the ever erect penis is always seen and the high light (as it is with straight porn that caters to male interests) is of course the ever present "cum shots."

Do women really watch porn? What function does porn serve for women? What do women think of the mainstream flesh flicks? And if given the chance, how would they do things differently? If "the gaze is truly male" as theorist Laura Mulvey asserts, then are we women forever doomed to remain as passive "sex objects" and mere "spectacles"? How might women express their sexual desires visually? Hmmm...

The Naked Feminist headlined by Annie Sprinkle and her cohorts, ex-porn actors all, try to give a different spin to the porn biz. This means, no more red nailpolish, tacky white high heeled shoes, long pearl chokers worn by female pornstars and no more baduy sounding muzak while the banging happens. Thanks to these women, with special mention to Nina Hartley, mandatory testing for HIV is conducted monthly among the small pool of adult film actors. I think it was also Candida Royale who insists that actors in her productions (male AND female) wear a condom.
It's no longer just "safe/r sex" but also "safe/r porn" -- does that make any sense?

spotless mind, spotful heart

2004-08-12T18:40:00.000+08:00

Together with only about four or five other moviegoers in the balcony section of the Festival Mall Cinema last Monday night, Gab and I were simply AWED by Michel Gondry’s masterpiece—that film called Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. For the fist time ever, I finally got the pleasure of fully digesting a film without uberchatty film buffs, without rude people’s mobile phones beeping or ringing at all, and no one says “excuse me” while they rush from their seats to the rest room. So that’s what it feels like to have a huge cinema all to ourselves, hehehe. :-) Lucky too that we caught it just in time, before it disappeared from the other cinemas (still currently showing at GB3, so catch it soon!).

This is a very grainy film with an indie-feel, never mind that you have A-list Hollywood actors like Jim Carrey (gone all serious as Joel) and Kate Winslet (as the very quirky Clementine). Superb writing credits go to the director Gondry and Charlie Kaufman (who incidentally, also penned Adaptation and Being John Malkovich) who are geniuses. Methinks it’s difficult to feel ambivalent about this film partly due to the highly personal and touching love story as it prompts the audience to think about what is, as well as other possibilities, so it’s either you love it or you hate it. It is certainly very different from your standard Hollywood romance fare.
Here’s an excerpt from imdb’s summary:

Joel (Jim Carrey) is stunned to discover that his girlfriend Clementine (Kate Winslet) has had her memories of their tumultuous relationship erased. Out of desperation, he contracts the inventor of the process, Dr. Howard Mierzwaik (Tom Wilkinson), to have Clementine removed from his own memory.

That framework sounds very much like a twisted take on the Cartesian epistemology, with the belief that the mind/body (or more aptly, reason/emotion) dualism is prevalent. So when you “erase” the memories of your evil ex from the cogito which is a higher order, you also inevitably erased the love, anguish and bitterness that goes along with it and all that is lost forever. Thanks to Lacuna Inc. which has a spin-off version on the web. They proudly proclaim that:
REMEMBER, WITH LACUNA YOU CAN FORGETThe Lacuna Inc. staff has made giant strides in brain research. They have discovered a simple and effective way to remove problem memories. No longer do you have to live with life debilitating memories. Live again, take the steps now!

This surely reminds me of my theoretical invention that I dedicate to all my sawi (heartbroken) friends, the "love removal machine" is for the purpose of magically zapping away the love that they (still) have for that person who hurt them deeply. No more love means no more pain. If only it were that easy…

However we find that although the mind could be de-programmed in some way and get all the files involving the ex and the evil things s/he did or said can be deleted, relegated to the trash-bin, even purged, the HEART does not forget so easily. The heart remembers (naks!!!) as it is able to over-ride or hijack the memory deletion process. Joel tried hard to keep some of the precious memories he shared with Clem during the earlier days when they were still high with the initial thrill of a new-found love.

Hmmm… I was asking Gab whether deleting the memories (i.e., mental images) of one’s past lover also includes the deletion of other “bodily memories” that are quite possibly stored elsewhere—if not the mind, maybe in our senses. For example, how do you erase the memory of her “smell” or how her skin “feels” next to yours, or her “taste” – does the body have a memory of past lovers? After all a huge part of sexual attraction is body chemistry isn’t it? Also if we were to let Lacuna Inc (Lacuna interestingly enough means: “An empty space or a missing part; a gap; a defect.”) do their work on us, it would probably take a while to get rid of all the traces. Gab and I go back a long way since we met in high school. To have those many years of being friends and lovers expunged would leave me radically changed. Thus, it now becomes a problem of personal identity.

How much of me is still me without my memories of her?

Though I fully appreciate this film for the narrative and artistic merits, it was personally disturbing. Especially the deletion sequences that closely resemble my bizarre dreams. I get many of them. I was seeing myself in Joel with the dream-like sequences of running away from pursuers with Gab by my side only to have her taken away from me, or mysteriously disappearing , literally flying away and disappearing completely leaving me alone and abandoned. But I also see myself in Clementine as the impulsive, silly&goofy, needy, KSP, “blirtatious” (I read that from Psychology Today, it is a psychologist-coined word that refers to people who says what they think or feel as soon as it comes to mind) girlfriend who simply refuses to shut up.

This is a sad love story but also very sweet. And the saddest lines from the movie goes…

Clementine: Joely? What if you stay this time?
Joel: I walked out the door. There's no memory left.
Clementine: Come back and make up a goodbye at least, let's pretend we had one... Goodbye, Joel.
Joel: ...I love you...
Clementine: ...Meet me in Montauk...

bio and gallery of philosophers

2004-07-13T21:28:00.000+08:00

Today I was asked nicely by a colleague to sub for her Intro to Phil class. It's been a while since I have taught any Philo courses. For the past few terms I had been given only CT and GS courses so I may have been a bit rusty on western philosophy. Stock knowledge is one thing but I didn't want to just "wing it", so I had to brush up on Modern Rationalism (Descartes, Leibniz and Spinoza). This made me think about the interesting lives of these men and women and how it may be relevant to their philosophical systems.

Based on experience, I know that it takes effort to present philosophical concepts AND at the same time, retain the students' interests especially in a 90 minute session. I find that it helps to the set the stage by linking the current lesson to the historical events and the mood of the time the philosopher had lived in.

I also used to bring old photos (copies, of course) of philosophers to class and paste them on the board just so I'd have some "visual aids" (aka: info-tainment), hehe. Especially pics of philosophers whom I think are attractive, a bit dashing, and not so stodgy like Ludwig Wittgenstein, Soren Kierkegaard and the young Simone de Beauvoir. The down side is that students--some of whom are "lookists" end up laughing at the unattractive philosophers as they point out certain features that to them look ridiculous. Take Nietzsche's mustache for example, Schopenhauer's hair do, or the cross-eyed Jean Paul Sartre. Sigh! Talk about okrayista students! I stopped bringing photos after that. :-(

Which brings us to the question, what would you rather be:

brilliant BUT unattaractive?

OR

gorgeous BUT intellectually-challenged?

I suppose many students will have a quick answer to that one.

Well, I am BOTH, so it's really NOT my problem now is it? Hehehe. Oh hey, just because I am gorgeous doesn't mean that I'm coño ha? KIDDING! ;-)

As I was saying... just like anybody else, students love to hear stories and anecdotes about philosophers. Hearing about philosophers' quirks and eccentricities probably bring them down a notch or two lower so they no longer appear to be the flawless "intellectual giants" -- say, drag 'em down from their ivory towers! My purpose is to humanize them a bit and give some insight into the inner lives of these dead white male philosophers that we are compelled to read and study.

Talking about their lives, their loves, and deaths are noteworthy. Not that these are all very relevant to their philosophies, yet they're still interesting tho trivial. I think the recall factor goes higher this way. Some call it "human interest" angles. From the top of my head, here are some of the "juicy" stuff that people like to remember about the following philosophers. Take them with a grain of salt as some of these are very difficult to verify:

_:: Anal retentive is what Professor Immanuel Kant was. Like clockwork, he was known for taking afternoon walks in Koenigsburg. 3:00pm on the dot every day, 365 days a year he'd go out of his house and be on his way. It was said that his neighbors could tell the time more accurately and set their watches according to Kant's daily walks. For that, they named a street after the professor.

_:: I don't know how my prof knew it but he claims that Kant died a "virgin" (daw) because he lacked the opportunity, hehehe.

_:: The famous open-relationship of JP Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir. Add Nelson Algren to the mix and as reported, Sartre's incestuous relationship with his heiress and adopted daughter. It was reported that this enraged Simone so much that she was also prodded to develop a lesbian/bisexual (?!) relationship with her young ward.

_:: And speaking of homosexuality, Michel Foucault dies of AIDS in the 80s. He was a frequent patron of bath houses in SF whenever he would hit the lecture circuit in the US. Alan Turing was a closet homo, as well as Ludwig Wittgenstein who was dismissed from his secondary school teaching post in rural Austria for alleged homo relationships with students.

_:: This is the same Wittgenstein who threatened Karl Popper with a poker because of some philosophical dispute which happened in the Oxford Uni campus. Cooler heads prevailed so bloodshed was prevented.

_:: Louis Althusser admitted to strangling his wife at the Sorbonne faculty dorms but charges weren't filed since he was brought to the asylum immediately.

_:: Polyamorous Bertie Russell who was controversial about his colorful views on morals. When he hit the lecture circuit in the US, he was met with angry protesters. The same can be said about ethicist Peter Singer who was booed in Germany and was also met by protesters when he was appointed as Chair of Bioethics in Princeton.

_:: Martin Heidegger's ties with the Nazi party

_:: Nietzsche's cause of death: syphillis, which was why he want mad before his eventual demise.

_:: Contemporary feminist philosophers (and snark-victim) "Bad Writing in English" awardee for 1998, Judith Butler and lover (are they still together, I wonder?) feminist scholar Wendy Brown are both high profile lesbians in the academe.

_:: Last but not least, here is a photo of Martha Nussbaum, a contemporary philosopher whose specialization is Aristotle, ethics and political philosophy. When I found out that she works out I was inspired to do the same. As far as I can tell, this is the first photo of a philosopher wearing a tank top, ASTEEEEG! Oh yes, one more thing. How come philosophers hardly ever smile in their portraits? Does that make them more credible, I wonder? The "smiling philosopher" -- is there such an animal?

Hmmm, speaking of mug shots, the book that I blogged about some months back is out now. Keep posted for the launch details. It contains many photos of MOI. One in every page in fact. Talk about over-exposure now ! I am afraid I was caught smiling in many of the shots. There goes my credibility... but what the heck. It's more fun to smile than pose with that grim expression. Besides it's not a book on philosophy but rather on (lesbian) sexual health.
Our project head got inspiration from the annoying "paper clip" (the default) which appears in your MS WORD program. I just hope I wasn't as annoying as the paper clip!
Will do a separete entry on that laters. ;-)

coming to know me and you

2004-07-06T23:35:00.000+08:00

I was reading this compelling, excellent and "unputdownable" article written by philosopher Nancy Tuana about the epistemology of ignorance and orgasms.
Aha! I knew you'd say "interesting" -- indeed!

True to form, her article which appeared in an academic journal called HYPATIA (Winter 2004) where feminist philosophers publish their papers, contained illustrations of the female (external and internal) genitalia from the first rendition of biologist Ambrose Pare in 1634 where the clitoris was depicted as an inverted penis (talk about inaccurate!) to descriptions of Renaldus Culumbus, all the way to contemporary books on sexuality and health such as the ever indispensable Our Bodies, Ourselves by the Boston Women's Health Book Collective (I got an earlier edition from Booksale dirt-cheap, by the way hehe).

The "discovery" of the clitoris is attributed to Culumbus, by the way (umm, no relation to Christopher, or Chris Columbus, hehehe). Of course most of us already know about Gabriello Falloppius' "discovery" of the fallopian tubes--that I can understand because the tubes are internal. But why did anyone have to "discover" the clitoris? It's not exactly "buried" hence, the need for an "excavation" as archeologists do with lost treasures, eh? I am fairly certain that women through out the dark ages have always already been aware of its existence, but perhaps it was the best-kept secret hehehe.

Now can you imagine how men would respond if women made a similar claim involving the "discovery" of the penis?

How absurd!

This is Tuana's point about uncovering the epistemology of ignorance. It is no longer so surprising that in this day and age, women have seen many things. In my Gender Studies classes most everyone tries to appear worldly, sophisticated and knowledgeable. So go ahead, ask the women if they know what the vulva is and where it's at, they'll say yes indeed and point south. But most are sketchy with the details.

Ask them again if they had already seen their own genitals, or if they can "draw it from memory" they'd be mortified with embarrassment. The men laugh wildly and couldn't relate because they think they know better, since they are basing it on their own (apparent) knowledge of their bodies.

But how have scientists, doctors collated their "knowledge" about the female genitals and how have their women readers responded to what they were seeing? Did the women find these illustrations truthful? Did any of it help them overcome their ignorance (due to a false sense of modesty, perhaps)? Are the non-orgasmic women also guilty of ignorance--a glaring exception to the saying " ignorance is bliss"?

Now I am challenged to collect all "illustrations" of female genitalia that I could find in the school lib. I will compare and see which is most "accurate" -- "COMING to know" one's body really well is vital to actually COMING. Sure, there is no direct cause and effect relationship, but I know it helps. Hehehe. :-P

Hmmm... what's the real deal with the BIG O, anyway? For something that lasts only for 6-15 seconds (on the average), why is this a major hang-up for many people?

In my classes we were talking about classic female archetypes. When I mentioned the VAGINA DENTATA (aka toothed vagina) as an example of a "frightening female" or a monster in early folklore and myth a lot of students were giggling.

I had to say something like: This wild creature doesn't like to be laughed at. It can out-laugh anyone because it can open really really wide. But it can also snap you up in one big gobble.
Hehehe. That shut them up. ;-)

::pussy power::

eating out, the movie

2004-07-03T00:00:00.000+08:00

The Pink Film Festival is already in full swing, and I finally got to watch the much awaited sex-comedy titled EATING OUT (2004, no theatrical release, DVD only) by Q. Allan Brocka (yup, the late great director, Lino's Fil-Am nephew) last night with Gabrielle and another friend at SM Manila. I had no chance to read the reviews so I really did not know what to expect though I have heard so much about this "other Brocka" who is not only a contoversial Lego (trademarked syempre) master but also an AI groupie who writes for The Advocate magazine, as well as an awardee in several international LGBT Film Festivals for shi short films.
Here's the movie's "plot outline" from imdb:

"The fastest way to a girl's heart is through her gay best friend."

Intrigued? You better be. The male cast members are v good-looking. Caleb (Scott Lunsford--with the washerboard abs above) who plays the role of the "straight" guy who's in the habit of falling for "strong" and self-assured women always ends up being dumped because he is way too nice (daw). This guy is buff, a true hottie if you like the type. I could tell by the squeals from the female crowd that he is totally drool-worthy. He meets Gwen (Emily Stiles, pictured on the right, see above) one of those strong assertive women that Caleb falls for.

One problem: she is a true "fag hag" -- not only are her best friends gay but she also dates them. She doesn't seem to be interested in straight guys but she keeps whining about her life and rues her fate of getting into relationships with fags. Why do these fags flock to Gwen, ya ask?
Why, it's because of Mark (Ryan Carnes, center) of course! Mark happens to be Gwen's best friend, he was her first boyfriend but later realized he was gay. Turns out that these gay guys are getting it with Gwen as a tactic to get closer to Mark. Duh? Makes sense?

Compared to Caleb, Mark is even hotter, heheh. This explains why the fags want him BAD! Methinks he is a very worthy sperm-donor. ;-) I may be a dyke, sure, but I (can still) certainly appreciate good looking gay guys hehehe.

This film made me think about FAG HAGS and why there is no counterpart for lesbian groupies? The DYKE BOYS where are they? Dang! In hind-sight I've had a couple of "groupies" in the past, male students (straight or otherwise) who liked to hang out with me, but I am not too sure now if it's because I happen to be a "cool dyke" (note quotation marks) or I was just "cool, period" -- hmmm.... hayan napapaisip tuloy ako.

What to expect from this film: Cute boys kissing passionately. Moaning and groaning. Expletives. Frontal nudity (men). VERY WITTY SCRIPT! Gab and I kept laughing til the end, PROPS to Q. Allan Brocka.

NAKAKALOKA!

Oh, and some memorable lines:
Gwen: Who needs friends who won't fuck friends?
And then....
Mark: Bye, Gwen.Caleb: Bye, Gwen.Gwen: Bye (BI)... sexual!

Such a QUEER MOVIE. Babaw but highly enjoyable. Of course the highly shockable moralists out there would be horrified. Organizer Nick deO says the MTRCB gave it an X-Rating hehehe but they appealed and mtrcb relented anyway. SCOFFS!!!
Now if only more lesbian films were this HOT and (note conjunction) FUNNY... by the way I saw the trailer of the L-WORD last week and it's not only HOT, it's SEARING! Can't wait to watch the entire first season! ;-)

Sadly, too many lesbo films are heavy, they are what we call G&D or "grim and determined" -- when will FUNNY and HILARIOUS become the trend for lesbian film makers? Wishing!

because you CANNES, CANNES, CANNES!

2004-05-14T00:14:00.000+08:00

My favorite Spanish film maker, Pedro Almodovar (that's him on the left, about to cut off his tongue) is opening this year's Cannes Film Festival via his movie called Bad Education, or La Mala educacion starring the ever yummy Gael Garcia Bernal. I loved Almodovar's All About My Mother... the most recent, Talk to Her wasn't bad either even though I had to watch it with Spanish dialogue--together with Spanish sub-titles!

I hear that Gael is following the footsteps of Johnny Depp and will also play a tranny in this film. Interesting eh? I read about Gael saying he adjusted to wearing high heels in no time. Buti pa sya! It took me many months... er, years, before I became accustomed to wearing heels.
Even now I still hate it. I always have my trusty old fluffy tabby-striped tsinelas stashed in my office drawer, so I can relax my tired feet in between classes. But I have to admit I also like the way I look in it--a lot taller, heheh. Plus my legs look even shapelier so vanity has its price. But oh, the torture! :-(

Bad Education is also about pedophilia, and kids being schooled by church-run institutions as well as getting indoctrinated by feelings of guilt and sinning--don't I know that oh so well. Indoctrination goes beyond brain-washing. It's "soul-washing" as well, that is, if you believe in the existence of that entity they call "soul". From nursery to graduate school it had always been Catholic schools for me. And now, even as a recovering-Catholic there is no escaping that inner feeling of "unworthiness" everytime something good happens to you. Hang-ups about most everything, including sex is virtually "un-doable" (pun intended heheh) for all the "convent-bred" girls I know--straight or even the latent-dyke that I am. Talk about getting "messed-up" eh?

Ack! But hey, I'm really trying. Now that I'm an ADULT (argh!) I know better. It's pointless to keep pointing the finger at the nuns and/or the religious order and say "I accuse you" (J'accuse!) of screwing me up. I certainly hope that in time, I'll be able to do away with all those guilt-ridden and sex-negative messages I internalized through the years.
How can? My French teacher Madame Gigi might ask.

I always say I CANNES!

Because I CANNES, CANNES, CANNES!!!

Come to think of it, even this... my attempt at "talking about it" -- or what Michel Foucault calls the "confessional" is still very Catholic.

Ack!

Talk about no escape... NO EXIT!